Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We named our party play list daddy issues
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
