have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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