i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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