i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
