haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
