i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
