He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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