Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Randomize
