Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
