its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
