He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
