What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
