R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize