She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
