I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
