End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
