She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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