That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
