i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
