No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
