She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
40s are totally the cure
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You left your phone here
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