Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
