I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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