And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
