I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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