Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
