You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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