toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
