She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
