This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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