New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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