my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
