AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
