My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
