Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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