you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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