i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
