His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i need some magic done to my vagina
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
