who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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