I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
