you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Someone came in the potted fern
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
