meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
