Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
