I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
