I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize