i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
