You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize