No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
