Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
