fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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