Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
cat food counts as protein by the way
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
