I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
