Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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