i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
