Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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