Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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