you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
