i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize