Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
