Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
