you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and she was petting her beer can
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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