Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Can you bring me the toilet please
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
