I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
