Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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