Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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